That Song.Yes..That song

So I know I've been slacking quite a bit.. but today I've dropped everything that I'm doing right now and decided to share my mind.
Do you know that song? Yes.. THAT SONG.. The song when you hear it and your heart stops for just that one second and you feel like you're going through a warp where motion pictures play in your head and then you find your heart literally hurting. The feeling of suffocation and inability to breathe. That's how I just felt.
It's incredible how music can move you in ways that you can't even imagine. It's as if there's an invisible hand that reaches deep within and grasps onto your heart and squeezes the living life out of you.
I suppose it's a good way to check that one can still feel.
Is that what it's meant to feel? Does it mean we are feeble and weak human beings? Doesn't the thought of us being so incredibly weak make us rather want to run into a wall instead of being emotionally manipulated by a song? Do specific songs trigger certain memories?Could we avoid music for the rest of our lives?
It doesn't really make any sense to me right now...I know I can't live without music because the majority of it makes me incredibly happy and it lights up my soul. I know that sounds super corny, but it does.
I just don't understand why some of the most beautiful songs make me so sad that I just want to crawl into a hole.
Words hit us hard, but add melody to it and it hits us even harder.
I guess I'm still pretty lost and confused.

Peace and Love <3

Attention Deficit oh looooook butterfly!!!

So, it has come to my attention(finally) that I probably had A.D.D as a child.
I didn't even know what A.D.D really was till I was about 20. Even then, I didn't realize that I had it. Only till about last year, I sat down and calmed myself down and started to ponder my younger days... I never really excelled in school like a normal asian, I couldn't concentrate and chatted most of the time, I get told I jump from one topic to the other in a millisecond and so forth...
Then I started to wonder... Would it have helped if my parents noticed it at an early stage and fed me Ritalin for breakfast, lunch and supper? Probably. Maybe I would of been a doctor or an accountant or even an IT brainiac right now... Hahahah who am I kidding.. I wouldn't have enjoyed any of those careers.. HAHAHAHHA...  Right.. back to A.D.D... you see, asian parents don't have a definition for A.D.D... I know that because I tried looking for it, and the translation came up to something that one would be described in a psych ward, which I'm clearly not, duhhhhhh..and it's quite disturbing. Bipolar doesn't exist,ADHD doesn't exist, multiple personality doesn't exist...well it probably does but asian parents would just think that their child is highly imaginative and would praise them instead. Do you see where I'm going with this?

So a few days ago, I was back home hanging out with my rents when I mentioned to my mom that I had ADD.. this is pretty much how it went...(By the way, I love fucking around with my mom because she'll blame anything on me being gay since ADD is mostly found in little boys, but I left that info out of the conversation)

Me: Do you know what ADD is?


Mom: No, I've never heard of such a thing


Me: Hold on, let me go check what it is in chinese *skips off*

~An hour later~


Me: So it's *insert crazy chinese terminology*


Mom*look of shock and horror on her face*: I still haven't heard of it, what is it???


Me: Well, mom, remember when I was a child, I couldn't concentrate for shit, and it's not because I'm hyper too, that's probably why I didn't do so well in school. Did you know that you could of given me medication?


Mom: You seemed normal when you were small.(Clearly asian parents don't see signs of anything)


Me: WELL... I had it, just saying, and you could of helped me.


Mom*Super worried face*: Do you need medication now?

Me: No, haha too late, I've got the adult form now. It's called ADHD *jumps around and skips off*


I still don't think they take me seriously. I personally don't think I need any medication because it will probably fuck my mental state up even more, and it hasn't taken me 5 hours to type this blog, so I think I'm doing okay.It's not easy being hyperactive because everybody around you knows you've got to calm down. Everybody, but yourself, because you actually think you're acting normal.*sad face*
Speaking of ADD and hyper-activeness, it brings me to the subject of drugs. But I'll leave that for another day... because I probably won't end this post if I start something new.

~Peace and Love~ 

Boom Bam!

I'm back again!
Yes.. its been a while since my last post. Partly because I have changed jobs and I no longer sit in front of my computer facebooking and chatting all day. Luckily for me, I got promoted after a month and a half and I get to do that at work all day again :)
So lets blame most of it on my laziness and traits of procrastination.
Right. What has been happening in the world of the Lesbiantronics?
Drama. Drama. Drama. What else is new?
I've just realized something though... you shouldn't ever shit where you eat. If there's a group of friends, don't fuck things up and do whatever the fuck you want to do because YOU don't care about the consequences. It's basically asking for shit the moment you make that move. It's just not cool! Grow the eff up because you're not children anymore but you're acting as if you're dawdling in the sandpit in pre-school.

Apart from that, I really can't stand the girls that are all about avoiding drama and "ooh I hate drama, get drama out of my face" meanwhile, back at the vajayjay-ranch, they are the ones creating the most problems. Don't come to me and have verbal diarrhea because you're too young and immature to handle truths.  SERIOUSLY?
My mind is seriously all over the place because I think it's all the built up thoughts that I've had in months, so excuse me if I'm jumping from one topic to the other.
On the other hand... After 3 months, I've finally found myself again. I thought it was going to take a bit longer, but bam! It's easier than I thought. I suppose certain actions make it easier for me to go on with life and enjoy what's right in front of me instead of looking back and tripping down memory lane. Yes. Tripping. It's awesome getting up and moving forward. Having incredible friends here with me as well as new encounters :)
I'm looking forward to what's ahead of me.

In other news, Amy Winehouse passed away. There's been an abnormally large amount of jokes going around regarding her death. Truth to be told, the jokes were probably around long before her death, and now that it's ACTUALLY become real. I'm not too sure on what I think about her death and the jokes about it. On one  hand I have 5% sympathy and 95% I-don't-care attitude. It's true. They tried to get her to go to rehab, but she said No,no,no.

*Chuckle* I'm going to hell. I know.

Peace and love

Hiiii Ma!I'm gay! part 2

So a while ago I wrote about my coming out story to my mother which was something I thought was pretty funny.. I wish my mother could see that I'm a funny person. I've never shown that side to my mom ever before... I suppose it's because half the time she's criticizing about my hair or a pimple on my face or something along that line that makes me not want to share the funny side of me with her. My father on the other hand, we have the same kind of humour at times and we team up making fun of my mother and her friends without her realizing. *High 5*
Alright, so part two of my coming out story entails telling my second oldest brother that I'm gay.

A quick background of me and my second oldest brother. Lets call him Wing Wong(WW for short) for the sake of me not typing out 'second oldest brother' every time. As a child, WW tormented me in all sort of ways, from locking me outside the house, to kicking my door down and punching my arm and last but not least, tease me during dinner time to the point where tears are dripping down my face and I had to endure salty rice for the rest of my meal. Basically we never got along. After I turned 20(and him 23) we magically started getting along and we'd have a group of mutual friends that we went out with and I started feeling cool for once in my life. When I turned 22, he left for overseas to work.By then, my brother and I had a bond.. a bond that no one else in the family had with each other and he would tell me things that he couldn't even bother speaking to my family about and I felt good about it and my coolness went up by another point.

This year March he came back for a 10 day visit just for shits and giggles and in my mind, I was determined to come out to him and tell him that I'm lesbian but I had to find the perfect timing for it... I couldn't exactly pick him up from the airport with a signboard that said "Welcome back WW!I'm gay yay!". He would of probably kicked me, taken my car keys and drive off without me. So one day we planned for my parents and my brother to come over to and see my place and have dinner somewhere.
I went to pick WW up and thought "Okay, this is my plan of action.1. Pick him up. 2. Make chit chat. 3. Tell him I'm gay. Easy enough" .... No, it wasn't easy, I was nervous as shit because I've forgotten how to actually come out to another person because I haven't done it in a very long time.
My parents drove their car and Wing Wong came with me.. We got to my complex and dawdled around for a bit on the balcony when my housemate came home. They said hi and we left for dinner. WW and I got in the car and the conversation started:

WW:Is that your gay housemate?

Me: Yeah it is, why?

WW: I'm not a homophobe

Me: I know you're not, and even if you are, there's nothing you have to worry about because you're probably not his type

WW: Why are you so defensive and wanting to argue with me so much?

Me: I'm not, I've just got a lot on my mind *sweaty palms*

WW:What stuff?


Me: Just stuff


WW: My friend is getting married in Hong Kong

Me: That's awesome!

WW(nonchalantly): She was dating my friend but then one day she turned lesbian

Me(eyes wide): Wait, what? 

WW: Yeah, she was dating (insert name) one day and then BAM all of a sudden she's dating a girl.

Me: I see 
*By this point, I'm feeling incredibly nervous yet, I can see the opportunity being served on a furry platter

Me: You know I think there's gayness that runs in our family
*I was totally going to mention one of my cousin that's gay

WW: Hahaha, who? You?

  *KRIEK KRIEK**KRIEK KRIEK*..I think I shat my pants a little and the moment of silence felt like you could hear a needle falling into an echo-y canyon

Me: Yes. 

WW:Hahaha REALLY? ( I think he thought I was joking)

Me: Yes, really.. Are you freaked out?

WW: No, THAT'S SO FUCKING COOL! I can tell all my friends that my sister is a lesbian! *Does a happy dance on the car seat*

Me: No you can't, asshole.

I then explained to him why, he understood and we ended up talking more than ever and I told him how relieved I was because I've been wanting to tell him for a very long time but I owed it to him to tell him in person and not over the internet. He actually told me I could of told him on Facebook and that I could plaster my gayness all over his wall. I then told him he was an idiot. He gave me an advice though.. he said "Asian, get a girl that's hotter than (insert name)'s wife."
I'll make you proud bro... I'll make you proud.
2 down, 2 to go.

During dinner, he decided to use me as a drug mule via my phone... but that's really irrelevant to anything that I'm writing about.

Peace and Love <3

Under the Milkyway

I have finally risen back to life!

It's funny how I complain that I need a break away from civilization yet, when I do, I wished that I was back where things are easily accessible. The break that I had felt like December holidays where most people are away, and there's just not much to do at home besides watch tv and playing (i.e tormented) by my kittens.
So my friend and I decided to go camping. The real macoy my friends, meaning building fire from scratch, no kettles, no electric stoves but a tent, blow up mattress and fortunately, warm ass duvet.
We started on Wednesday morning, all packed and ready to go.. the enthusiasm was thrilling. I was super excited to go on this road trip because I've never ever done it myself so it was something completely new to me.
Two lesbians in the jungle. How typical could we get? OH wait.... wait! Here is a very interesting fact. Two lesbians are ACTUALLY capable on sharing a tent without rumbling in it. Believe it.
Back to my story...

Day One:
We trekked from Joburg, past Witbank, Middelburg, Dullstroom, pothole shit roads, The big shoe that the ol' lady "lived" in and BAM! Our lovely destination :Blyde River Canyon Forever Resort. We checked in and found a spot to pitch our tent.. soon realizing that EVERYONE around us was equipped with a caravan or a giant ass 10 person tent , with tv's, microwaves, fridges etc...I literally stood there and sussed the situation out and coming to the ultimate conclusion that I was feeling like a hobo child that very moment.

We decided to make the best of what was left of the day and thought it would be an incredibly smart idea to trek to the upper view point of the resort to look at the view of the 3 Rondavels.. Wow... Please remind me, after 5 hours of driving, trekking uphill of a route that's almost 2km far is not the best idea in the world... By the time we got to the cliff of the view, my legs were feeling so wobbly I barely managed to breathe. The view was absolutely breath taking and I couldn't help but notice how one of the "sisters" resembled a nipple.

Spot the nipple

 

The way back down was a breeze and I was feeling incredibly optimistic about the whole trip so decided that we needed to build a fire before the sun started to set in order to make some food because I could hear my stomach growling and howling and making very unhappy noise. I managed to make us some soya burgers which wasn't half bad except for the distinct taste of wood and came up with the fantastic idea to bring out the Cane and get on the cane train! CHOOCHOOOOO!!!!! chugga chugga chugga.... well! It was exactly what my friend did throughout the night...Right underneath the beautiful Milkway.

Beautiful vomeh that the monkey enjoyed

Day Two:
I woke up with a monkey sitting outside our tent eating little bits of cheese that my friend happily shared with nature. A moment later, a bird even joined the fun. Had it not been my friend, I wouldn't have had the greatest opportunity to have such close contact with nature :) Thank you my dudles:). The weather wasn't looking it's best when we woke up so we lingered in the tent for a bit, and after a while, decided to go to the lower view point. Our backpacks all ready(A bottle of water and a wonderful packet of Simba swirly things).. We got to the "entrance" of the hike where a waterfall was somewhere in the jungle.. After about 50m of the jungle, we spotted a family of baboon/monkeys chilling in the pathway! We stood there for about 5 mins when one of the biggest,blackest baboon made a movement... I think he was trying to say "Come any closer and I will literally bite your face off" ..Nevertheless we ran out of that jungle like 10 yr olds and figured that we'd come back the following day.
With much of the day left, We decided to go to Graskop, the closest town...70 fucking kilometers away. Mind you, we stopped at Burke Luck's Potholes and breathed in the view. There were about 10 million tourists and playing the game of "Let's eavesdrop and guess where they are from" was pretty entertaining. Our second stop was God's Window, but it was more like "Sorry, the Window is closed today and maybe you should just fuck off because I've just wasted your time"...We finally got to Graskop where an avo man decided to basically stalk me wherever I went trying to sell me avocados..I really wish I could tell him that I'm currently residing in a tent playing with sticks and stones.. avos aren't going to help at that moment.
We were pretty much starving by now and haven't had a cup of tea or coffee for the past few days so we went to a lovely little joint called The Pancake House or something. My chicken burger was the messiest burger ever eaten..mostly because I think I lost the ability to use a knife and fork.
The night went by with no actual success in building a fire to cook or boil anything.

Day Three:
We woke up with the sound of drizzle, contemplating on whether if we should leave that day or not, we decided to be patient and see if the weather will get better, which it did. So we decided on the last day, we're going to DRIVE to the lower view point and attempt to rumble in the jungle towards the waterfall hoping monkeys weren't going to attack us. And.. SUCCESS! We saw the waterfall.. and rested on a giant rock enjoying another packet of Simba Chippies... and the conversation lead to whether there are leopards lurking in the mist.. And Bear Grylls would of been so proud of us at that moment because we visualized the leopard cave being the best shelter if we got lost. This.. ladies.. is what happens when you're in nature too long. We soon started to picture mountain lions sneaking behind us while we enjoyed the sun. This is called delusion.
The last task of our lesbian camping trip, was to attempt making Chicken Sweet Corn Soup on open braai coal... It took some time and the water looked like it was never going to really boil finally gave us a break and we were able to gobble down our first warm meal of our trip. It was fantastic! Bread never tasted so good.

 

Before

After. i.e. The best sweet corn soup EVER. Nyom nyom.

So that pretty much concludes the lesbian trip. I've learnt several things on this trip:
* Always bring kettle and electric stove
* No matter how cool we think we are in the city, we are smidgens of NOTHING compared to the awesome caravans in the camp site and nature.
* People are incredibly nice yet very Afrikaans.
* It's fun playing Moses on the mountain with every big walking stick we found.
* Monkeys don't give a shit who you are. If they want to steal, they will. If they want to shit on your tent, they will. If they want to bark(Yes, bark) at 4am.. they will.
* Never think buying a bag of wood is smarter than buying charcoal.
* Simba chippies are the best.
* A Blackberry charger will save your life.
* Everyone will be able to find their Edward.
Oh I forgot to mention the Edward I found, he lit my fire. That's right. He lit my fire..which I was able to grill hot dogs on.

ALL IN ALL... I HAD THE BEST TIME WITH MY DUDLES!! Love you plenty <3

Peace and Love
Peace and Love

...She's pretty cute...on mute

Many people have asked me what type of girls I like.. and frankly, I don't really have a type.
Why would I want to restrict myself on a certain type of girl? I know the kinds that I DON'T like. I like all types of girls... long hair, short hair, emo hair, fake hair..ok, maybe not so much the fake hair.. But you know what I mean. I think if a girl presents herself well, and has style, then that's a catcher. However.... This is a big HOWEVER, if a girl has style and looks after herself but has a brain of a goldfish. Then no thank you!
Nothing is worse than having a conversation with a girl who can not carry a conversation to save herself. I found myself unable to gain any form of energy when speaking to a girl that has no opinion of her own and thinks everything is "cool" and "awesome".

Getting to the point of the subject.. Have you ever stood in a club enjoying the music and all of a sudden.. you spot an incredibly gorgeous girl standing at the bar... you start wondering what you need to do to get her attention. Hesitation, nerves, afraid of rejection, excitement , all at once starts building up. You feel your palms getting clammy and you keep rubbing your pants to dry them up, you stand there looking as cool as you can, slowly moving towards the object of interest.. You move ever so closely to the point where her elbow is touching yours. To which you gather up as much courage as you can and you turn around and say "Hi! You are gorgeous, can I buy you a drink" to which she replies in the THICKEST Afrikaans accent ever and says "Ag ja, fanks so much hey!Ag ja no you is too sweet hey, I can  like a Hunterrrrs DDry please. Are you frrrrom Japan hey? Ja I hear they eat dogs" ... added to that, she has the squiffest teeth you have ever seen. Seriously?!!??!SERIOUSLY???!! Just because I'm Asian, you automatically think I eat dogs?!!??! And I suppose you would assume Japan only because you've discovered the existence of it due to the tsunami? What's worse is.. you don't even really want to continue with the conversation AND you still have to buy her a drink and smile and be polite. Ladies.. If your friends are awesome, they would come on over and create a drunken commotion and scoot you away from the ex-object of interest. AND THAT, is what I would call a girl that's cute on mute. It's kind of similar to a girl that looks pretty from far but far from pretty, but these girls that are cute on mute should just be kept quiet, and just sit there and look pretty instead of ruining my visions of them.

Perhaps many of you might think how superficial and pretentious I am, but lets be honest. The lesbian community IS shallow and sadly, girls are based on looks before given another chance. But some girls should seriously have zips on their mouths and only be there to make the club look pretty. They should never be taken seriously. Another lesson... Always, and I mean, ALWAYS have at least one awesome wingwoman.

Peace and Love <3

The vicious cycle

I'm sitting at work  mindlessly thinking what the agenda for today is and my mind has taken me onto the thought of lesbians and their circles. How vicious it is, how small and limited it is, whose feet shouldn't be stepped on and wada wada wada, and I've come to a conclusion. It's each for their own, survival of the fittest!
I know some of you may not agree with me and say "But my ex is hooking up with my best friend's ex and I've been with my best friend and..." the story goes on.
I'm in one of those predicaments actually.
Lets call myself A, the girl whom I adore B, a girl I've known for some time C, and a girl whom I've had brief hook ups D.
A + B were lovers turned best friends
C + D dated and turned best friends
A + D briefly hooked up
B + C are now kind of hooking up.

I know it's a lot of adding up for some people to handle right now but once you figure that out, you can't help but go "Ewwwww"... Indirectly ,A will have hooked up with C, and B will indirectly connect to D.
Lets all together go..... EWWWWwwwwwwwwww......
I don't even know how I put myself into such a thing but it happened. I'm not fine with it, but I can't do anything BUT be fine with it.

Another thing that grinds my balls are shtuuupaaaaaaat, asshole lesbians that don't know you from another bar of soap saying things behind your back as if they know the real story. What the hell is up with that? Say for instance this is how the story went:

Me: Yeah we went on a date, we got on so well, it was awesome!

Then, the story would go down like this:
Lesbian A: I heard she told her she loved her on the first day!
Lesbian B: Apparently they moving in together!
Lesbian C: And adopting kids!
Lesbian D: You all are a bunch of idiots
*kriek kriek*
There has to be a sensible one in there somewhere. But you get my drift. I believe there's always 2 sides to a story, unless it's something that's been said about you, then that's when you need to be aware, put on your hardcore mask and say it like it is.

There IS a reason why no one likes you, there is a reason why people would hook up with you but to only realize you're ACTUALLY a psycho bitch, there is a reason why I have friends and you don't, there's a reason why no one likes picking up your phone calls, because you are incredibly needy. No one likes needy girls, and you should go shit in your hands.
Does that explain to you why "apparently" girls want me(far from) and not you???? That is why.

Wow! My mind is everywhere today, somebody tie me up and lock me in a cage!


All in all.
Peace and Love.

Hiiii ma! I'm gay!

So everyone has a coming out story.
I'd like to share my coming out story.

Long, long time ago, there was a little girl, she figured out that she was a full grown lesbian but didn't know how to come out to her parents because coming from a reserved family of Asians.. such things are just too taboo to even mention! She pictured shame and being sent into exile , not for her, but her family once everyone in the community finds out. She did not like the thought of it and kept it to herself for as long as she could, until one day, her mother started snooping around and kept asking her repetitively on whether or not she was gay or not. She kept denying it until she could no longer stand it. One day, a few weeks after she came back from an overseas trip, her mother strolled into the room, probably talking about some kind of fruit or a new top she bought over the weekend when all of a sudden....

Mom: Are you gay?

Girl: What if I am?

Mom: Well, I would be very disappointed but I suppose I'll still love you because you're my child. So are you gay?

Girl: I don't know

Mom: Well I think you are

Girl(on the verge of tears): I've always known since I was young *insert tears*

 Mom: Was it our fault that we brought you to South Africa???

Girl: *sobs* No it wasn't your fault!

Mom: Did you not get enough love from your father???

Girl: It's got nothing to do with that!

Mom: Have you not found any boys to love, you'll find a boy to love!

Girl: I don't like boys!
 (Oh.. btw.. my mother was already sobbing herself silly at this point)

Mom: But... how do you know if you haven't fallen in love with a boy?

Girl: I just know! It's in me! I didn't decide that I like girls all of a sudden one day! Suppose you want to send me to a psychiatrist now?

Mom: No, but I think I should go to one.

I can't quite remember how the conversation ended, but we were both crying by the end of it. She spent the next month looking at me as if I'm a complete different specie. That when me and my incredibly lesbian friends are hanging out, all we do is have orgies and threesomes and that we are absolutely INCAPABLE of having a braai, or watch a dvd. No... to her, we are sexual predators that are promiscuous and dirty things. There was a lot of angst and sadness between my mother and I for the following month. She would often rag on about how I will find a boy and that I'll be in love with a man and I would get angry and defensive about it. Eventually I would just laugh and say "You keep on wishing *thumbs up*"... In a nice kind of way.

It's been 2 yrs and a month since my mother shoved me out of the closet.. She's gotten a lot better and has come a long way. The other day she said to me "Did you know gay people can get married?". And it's even gotten to the point where she said she would even like to know if I have someone special in my life. But once in a while, she would throw a curve ball and do something daring as if she was secretly laughing inside going "Hehehe I dare you. I dare you to tell your father now" For example. Today she came into the room where my father and I were and she said to him "What do you think about homosexuality? What if kids down the generation is gay?" My father said "Well I won't see it" and he did a reenactment of throwing himself into the shelf as if he was going to commit suicide type of thing.. while knocking over things.

Sigh... Get ready papa! It's soon going to be your turn to deal with this!
Ps. I do think I've been holding off telling my father because he's not the youngest bull anymore and he's got a weak heart. God knows what this information might do to him.
Pps. Today is April Fools day... I thought about telling him that I'm gay and see how he reacts and if it was a bad reaction, I would go "ha ha, Happy April Fools! ha ha.. *kriek kriek* " It's risky.

Yes... That was coming out to my mother.I came out to my brother too, about a month ago.. We'll leave that story for next time :)

Happy weekend!
Peace and Love <3

Vanity

Something came across my mind today. It doesn't happen often, and I'm sure it's crossed many of your minds too but I have an itching need to express myself.
Do pretty girls think they can get away with everything and get everything they want?
It seriously grinds my balls, if I had any.
Exceptionally pretty girls tend to think all they need to do is flutter their eyelashes and throw you a little grin and that's all they need to get by in life. I suppose for some it works, but people should start waking up. These girls are nothing but a whole bunch of stupid. It's as if they have been fed stupidity for breakfast all their lives. They think the world revolves around them and to have any kind of serious, a smidgen serious conversation would cause them to start pounding their heads and go "Stop stop! it's too much for me, oh dear godddddd, please stop torturing me" Seriously? Go shit in your hands.

You may be pretty but you have a personality of a pile of dog shit. Thanks. Good bye.

Another kind of vanity comes in the form of "I hate drama and I've never had so much drama since I've met you"
Again. Go shit in your hands.
Drama is all over town, if you think you are all people talk about. Think again. The lesbian world is a vicious cesspit filled with slimey snakes and rabid dogs. You need to toughen up and stop whining like a little bitch.
Be the bigger person and gracefully say "I don't think that's how it happened" and then shut your mouth. Don't let them get whatever it is they could get from you and turn it from "Charlie and the Chocolate factory" into "Charlie and the Chocolate factory that flooded itself with oompa loompas due to an overdose of chocolate eclairs" People can say what they want, but at the end of the day, it's still Charlie and the Chocolate factory.
Do you understand the game of broken telephone? THE WHOLE LESBIAN COMMUNITY IS A BROKEN TELEPHONE...NOTHING IS TRUE UNLESS IT COMES FROM THE BITCHES MOUTH(sometimes!)

Ahhh.. I feel so much better now :)
Peace and love
Peace and love<3

Excuse me, I've lost my backbone, has anyone seen it?

Really, has anyone seen my backbone?
Do I need to grow one again?

Oblivion.

I just grabbed myself a cuppa java and the word 'Oblivion' popped in my head.
I started wondering, do people go through life living in oblivion thinking it would make life easier?
Does it make them feel less guilty with what is actually going on in their vicinity? Can they just easily brush things off without realizing what they might be doing to people around them? Could life be happier being oblivious and ignorant to everything? It has always intrigued me.
Personally it makes me really angry.
At the people, at the world, at the little helpless bugs crawling on the ground.
People should grow some balls and face what's right in front of them, and that it's useless hiding and dodging away from everyone and everything. Tear that fucking wall down and let people in. They've been waiting on the other side for ages, and they will keep waiting there till you realize and perhaps by then, it's too late. Oh wait, you'll be too oblivious and stubborn to realize anything. Shame.
I'm sure I become oblivious to certain things too, very little, but I am.. Usually just to escape from certain awkward situations...
Being oblivious and being an asshole are two very different things. Please get that straight. Haw haw.. The irony.

I'm quite oblivious to certain things right now that I don't think I'm ready to face yet till I'm sure of what I'm trying to hide is in fact real and that there's no emotional attachment involved. I suppose there IS emotions involved, but right now, I'm unable to comprehend what I'm feeling and it leaves me quite lost and frazzled which then leads me to block out all my emotions and ability to feel. I'm trying my hardest... it seemed easy in the beginning, but the more we move with the calendar, the more conflict I get with my innards.I suppose it's just the time of the year that makes me think. I feels like I've just buried someone that means the world to me and I am the one that's holding the shovel pouring earth over the casket and placing them six feet below me.

On to other things. I feel like my life has started to repeat all over again. I suppose things are slightly different this time, but it's the same old scenario all over again. I'm not quite sure on how to proceed with it.. hmmm... I will dwell on it.


You have one life. Why not live it?

Valentine Shmelentine

Today's the day where cupid shoots little arrows in peoples buttocks and make them fall in love.

OH wait...... Seriously now... of all the rubbish in peoples lives, do they seriously think there's time to be all romantic and succumb to this so called "Special day"?
No. I don't think so. I believe that if you want to truly show someone that you love them, you don't show them on Valentines Day.. You show them EVERY SINGLE DAY OF YOUR LIFE.
Today's just a commercialized day that people get convinced buying stupid heart shaped chocolates that tastes like plastic, and incredibly corny Hallmark cards(make one yourself duh) and over priced flowers at R30/each.
Don't be ridiculous. No one likes flowers. They wilt and they die. What kind of memory would giving a flower be?
"Here's my love for you. It's a bunch of flowers, and yes. They die. Just like my love for you will eventually."
WOW. A bit of a pessimist I've become.
To all the people in love, I do apologize. I am truly happy for each and everyone of you that are hopelessly in TRUE-love.
As for the rest... We should all stomp our feet and go to Mac Donalds tonight.
It's just another day.

My heart is dead, but it will resurrect again.

And so... another chapter begins.
So I've figured out that my "person" will actually eventually one day be someone elses "person".
Truth of the matter is that, nothing stays the same.
Things always change, the world will always revolve (unless it's the end of the world), life will always carry on, passerby's will always be passerby's and yes. Things won't ever stay constant.
I've realized that now.
Over the weekend things have become clear to me and I have learnt that holding onto things and certain people is just a waste of time and energy.
I will perhaps regret what I'm saying right now. But right now, it's how I feel.
ON a lighter note. I get to move next week to a new place. Again.. new beginnings, new life, new memories.
God I sound spiteful.

Harrrro, is me again!

I'm back again!
Holiday time is over, and truthfully, I couldn't be happier. The whole concept of a 'holiday' is to actually go somewhere to a surrounding where it's unfamiliar and for one to explore and relax. ERRRK.. wrong.. actually.. the best place to be on holiday is ...*drum roll* .... AT HOME! Why? because when you go away to a foreign place, everyone else is there. It's packed, and well... I think that's reason enough.
When you go on holiday at home, you get into the whole relaxed zone, which leads to boredom, which , at the end of the day, you just want to get back to work! In my case, I just looked forward to work starting because I was waiting for 'my person' to get back home from her holiday.

Do you have a 'person'? I think everyone has a 'person'. They're like your best friend, but not quite because there's deeper feelings than what you would feel for a best friend. They're like that someone that puts a smile on your face when you see them every time. The person that makes your heart skip a beat. The person that you connect with ever so strongly. The person that you can be yourself and it doesn't matter if you're being the biggest fool. The person that you don't have to impress and can dress in the most unattractive clothing and chill to watch a nice dvd.
It's your 'person'.
Someone you would always want to have in your life no matter where you are and no matter what you are.
It's someone you trust with all your heart and love them with everything you've got.
Someone that can make you the happiest person in the world in one minute and can break you apart the next if they had to.

Yep. I have a person. Everyone should too. What's life when you're being too careful?