It's funny how I complain that I need a break away from civilization yet, when I do, I wished that I was back where things are easily accessible. The break that I had felt like December holidays where most people are away, and there's just not much to do at home besides watch tv and playing (i.e tormented) by my kittens.
So my friend and I decided to go camping. The real macoy my friends, meaning building fire from scratch, no kettles, no electric stoves but a tent, blow up mattress and fortunately, warm ass duvet.
We started on Wednesday morning, all packed and ready to go.. the enthusiasm was thrilling. I was super excited to go on this road trip because I've never ever done it myself so it was something completely new to me.
Two lesbians in the jungle. How typical could we get? OH wait.... wait! Here is a very interesting fact. Two lesbians are ACTUALLY capable on sharing a tent without rumbling in it. Believe it.
Back to my story...
Day One:
We trekked from Joburg, past Witbank, Middelburg, Dullstroom, pothole shit roads, The big shoe that the ol' lady "lived" in and BAM! Our lovely destination :Blyde River Canyon Forever Resort. We checked in and found a spot to pitch our tent.. soon realizing that EVERYONE around us was equipped with a caravan or a giant ass 10 person tent , with tv's, microwaves, fridges etc...I literally stood there and sussed the situation out and coming to the ultimate conclusion that I was feeling like a hobo child that very moment.
We decided to make the best of what was left of the day and thought it would be an incredibly smart idea to trek to the upper view point of the resort to look at the view of the 3 Rondavels.. Wow... Please remind me, after 5 hours of driving, trekking uphill of a route that's almost 2km far is not the best idea in the world... By the time we got to the cliff of the view, my legs were feeling so wobbly I barely managed to breathe. The view was absolutely breath taking and I couldn't help but notice how one of the "sisters" resembled a nipple.
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| Spot the nipple |
The way back down was a breeze and I was feeling incredibly optimistic about the whole trip so decided that we needed to build a fire before the sun started to set in order to make some food because I could hear my stomach growling and howling and making very unhappy noise. I managed to make us some soya burgers which wasn't half bad except for the distinct taste of wood and came up with the fantastic idea to bring out the Cane and get on the cane train! CHOOCHOOOOO!!!!! chugga chugga chugga.... well! It was exactly what my friend did throughout the night...Right underneath the beautiful Milkway.
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| Beautiful vomeh that the monkey enjoyed |
Day Two:
I woke up with a monkey sitting outside our tent eating little bits of cheese that my friend happily shared with nature. A moment later, a bird even joined the fun. Had it not been my friend, I wouldn't have had the greatest opportunity to have such close contact with nature :) Thank you my dudles:). The weather wasn't looking it's best when we woke up so we lingered in the tent for a bit, and after a while, decided to go to the lower view point. Our backpacks all ready(A bottle of water and a wonderful packet of Simba swirly things).. We got to the "entrance" of the hike where a waterfall was somewhere in the jungle.. After about 50m of the jungle, we spotted a family of baboon/monkeys chilling in the pathway! We stood there for about 5 mins when one of the biggest,blackest baboon made a movement... I think he was trying to say "Come any closer and I will literally bite your face off" ..Nevertheless we ran out of that jungle like 10 yr olds and figured that we'd come back the following day.
With much of the day left, We decided to go to Graskop, the closest town...70 fucking kilometers away. Mind you, we stopped at Burke Luck's Potholes and breathed in the view. There were about 10 million tourists and playing the game of "Let's eavesdrop and guess where they are from" was pretty entertaining. Our second stop was God's Window, but it was more like "Sorry, the Window is closed today and maybe you should just fuck off because I've just wasted your time"...We finally got to Graskop where an avo man decided to basically stalk me wherever I went trying to sell me avocados..I really wish I could tell him that I'm currently residing in a tent playing with sticks and stones.. avos aren't going to help at that moment.
We were pretty much starving by now and haven't had a cup of tea or coffee for the past few days so we went to a lovely little joint called The Pancake House or something. My chicken burger was the messiest burger ever eaten..mostly because I think I lost the ability to use a knife and fork.
The night went by with no actual success in building a fire to cook or boil anything.
Day Three:
We woke up with the sound of drizzle, contemplating on whether if we should leave that day or not, we decided to be patient and see if the weather will get better, which it did. So we decided on the last day, we're going to DRIVE to the lower view point and attempt to rumble in the jungle towards the waterfall hoping monkeys weren't going to attack us. And.. SUCCESS! We saw the waterfall.. and rested on a giant rock enjoying another packet of Simba Chippies... and the conversation lead to whether there are leopards lurking in the mist.. And Bear Grylls would of been so proud of us at that moment because we visualized the leopard cave being the best shelter if we got lost. This.. ladies.. is what happens when you're in nature too long. We soon started to picture mountain lions sneaking behind us while we enjoyed the sun. This is called delusion.
The last task of our lesbian camping trip, was to attempt making
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| Before |
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| After. i.e. The best sweet corn soup EVER. Nyom nyom. |
So that pretty much concludes the lesbian trip. I've learnt several things on this trip:
* Always bring kettle and electric stove
* No matter how cool we think we are in the city, we are smidgens of NOTHING compared to the awesome caravans in the camp site and nature.
* People are incredibly nice yet very Afrikaans.
* It's fun playing Moses on the mountain with every big walking stick we found.
* Monkeys don't give a shit who you are. If they want to steal, they will. If they want to shit on your tent, they will. If they want to bark(Yes, bark) at 4am.. they will.
* Never think buying a bag of wood is smarter than buying charcoal.
* Simba chippies are the best.
* A Blackberry charger will save your life.
* Everyone will be able to find their Edward.
Oh I forgot to mention the Edward I found, he lit my fire. That's right. He lit my fire..which I was able to grill hot dogs on.
ALL IN ALL... I HAD THE BEST TIME WITH MY DUDLES!! Love you plenty <3
Peace and Love
Peace and Love
Dreading the day my other half whips out her tent and plans a camping trip....eeeeekkkkkk!!!Lots of secret packing will take place and luxury items packed in crevices I did not know exist. Good thing I read your blog, now I am ready.
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